Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
