So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
