can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize