I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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