lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
