My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize