why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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