i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
