i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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