So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
