Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
