i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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