The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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