she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
