You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
