You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
