Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
