Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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