new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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