Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
