My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
