morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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