Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
