I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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