Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
