I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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