Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
