Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
