how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
