the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
