The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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