my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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