Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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