More tranny stories later!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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