you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
