No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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