Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
