I just cut my nipple shaving
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
