I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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