Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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