My cat gives me a boner
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
