i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina is officially offended.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
