totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
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You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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