u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
