Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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