Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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