Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize