Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
