My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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