I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your penis caused this!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
