I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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