At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
