Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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