And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
