youre lurking in front of me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
