there was a trapeze. enough said
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
