sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
