If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
