Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The air taste purple.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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