I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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