I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
