Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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