Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
