Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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