There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We talked him into tasing himself.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
