Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
